Younger Siblings and Autism

Unsurprisingly, there is plenty of evidence that the chance of a child being born with autism is much higher if they have an older sibling on the spectrum. In fact, as more data has become available, this probability is understood to be even higher than previously thought. In addition, non-autistic siblings often imitate autistic behaviour. In the early 90's when time my brother and I were diagnosed, autism "experts" my parents encountered were often interested in study our genetics make-up. Parents who had an autistic child frequently stopped having more, so we were a rarity.

Over the years as I've met more families with autism, I've noticed that younger siblings often seem to have stronger autistic symptoms- such as more speech and developmental delays than their older autistic brothers and sisters. My younger brother and Dan's were both delayed in speech, whereas were considered quite precocious. Dan went straight from Dr. Seuss to National Geographic while his brother struggled to read. So why is this?

If a child proves more difficult to raise, parents may wait longer to have another child, thus increasing the likelihood of disability in the next.  My brother and I are 3 years apart, as are Dan & his brother, and our mothers were both 30 when the had us. So not considered old enough to be risky. Are the parents a little worn out raising the first, so they are a little less conscientious with the second? My dad has joked that its the reverse- that the first child is a sort of "guinea pig" and with the second kid the parents know what they are doing more!

Of course this isn't always the case, I've certainly plenty of autistic kids with younger non-autistic siblings (though frequently they have traits, or related disabilities like AD/HD- and one or both or the parents- often identified after the child with more severe symptoms has been. It's interesting to see the reaction of the parents when another child is labelled (older or younger) Sometimes they are more accepting, in other cases more resistant. (Nooo- why can't I have a "normal" kid!)

I'd be interested in other people's observations and experiences- Please share them below, or post a link to your own blog or website.

Autism Holiday Survival Guide

The Dominant Western Culture Winter Holiday Season (tm) which apparently now begins before Thanksgiving is a fun but hectic and difficult time for a lot of people, folks with autism included.
I remember last year, I enjoyed visiting my family out west but found it rather stressful with too many people in a small space and too much going on at once.

Here are some potential coping strategies for clashes between autistic-ness and holiday craziness

Disruption of Routine- For some of us, the biggest problem with holidays is that it's a disruption in routine, even worse when holiday traditions are disrupted. Mentally preparing for the change helps. On this day, X is going to happen. Visual calendars help.
This year, we are going to Aunt Thelma's instead of Grandma's house, OK? You remember Aunt Thelma, right? Don't worry, Grandma will be there too.

Sensory Overload
Shopping Malls = Autistic Hell
Large Holiday Events/Parades etc = Autistic Hell
I know, sometimes little Timmy needs to come along on shopping trips. So go to smaller stores. Order things online. Shop at a different time of year (yah, sure says the woman who often figures out presents at the last minute)  Get it? Lights for some are bothersome- I suspect the blinking lights in particular- for some people they can trigger seizures
Uncomfortable formal clothing- surely you can find something little Sally will wear that doesn't irritate her sensitive skin. Figure out what fabrics work best. Sometimes autistic kids will have The One True Outfit (it goes with the One True Food) that is often very casual and insist on wearing that. Introducing new clothes slowly might help them accept more variety (as with food, activities etc)

Gift-Giving
 I know several individuals on the spectrum who really get stressed about gift-giving- much of it because of the  social expectations surrounding it. Often we don't have much money and feel like we're supposed to spend more, or just aren't sure what's appropriate to spend- worrying that people may either think you're being cheap or showing off. Make them (not too perishable) food- one year we made salsa, in addition to of course cookies and such. It's fun to try something different that other people won't be giving them. Hmm. It's also pretty easy to make soap. Framed pictures of you & your family (esp. good if it includes them)

Give away or re-mix (fix up, re-paint etc) things you already have that you think someone will like. Remember, re-gifting is ok so long it's outside of the social circle it was given in. Unless it's the big ugly lamp Great-Aunt Thelma gave you that's in the middle of the living room  to make her happy. Wait til she goes senile.

 Talk to Your Relatives/Friends
Help your kith & kin understand you or your loved one before you/him/her runs crying out of the room for unknown reasons. Then hopefully they'll cooperate so that's less likely to happen.

 If you, dear reader have anything to add about what can make holidays more spectrum-friendly, please add in the comments.

Siblings Matter, Too

I was looking around the Twin Cities Arc website today and was noticing all the programming and other resources they had for siblings of individuals with disabilities.  All too often, brothers and sisters feel overlooked by their parents or others, stigmatized by their association with disability and isolated from others such siblings (as are people with disabilities)

Though I had heard of  "Sibshops" offered by the Autism Society, I hadn't realized that they have been going on for 30 years- my entire life!
It's strange, I used to not see myself as a sister of a brother with special needs- since they were similar to my own. I remember my dad exclaiming "Mariah, he's autistic!" when I grew impatient with my brother. Autistic people all have different  traits & issues we face, so sometimes when another autistic/Aspie's behavior differs from one's own it can be hard to understand.  My brother has some challenges that I do not, so does Dan's (my fiance's) younger brother. For example, I've had more problems with anxiety, and he has more trouble with taking the initiative (executive function).  Dan learned to read at 3 or so and was very verbal, but his brother had more difficulty learning to talk and read.
Plus little brothers are just annoying in general!

I have another friend who is on the spectrum, and also has Tourette's. She has struggled a lot getting through school and making her way into adulthood, but has a college degree, and has held a job and been married for years. Her older brother has the same labels but has never been able to do any of these things for long periods of time. His emotional problems are a lot more extreme.
Because of these factors I think Sibshops could certainly be of benefit to siblings that have disabilities themselves, particularly if they have milder conditions.